I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize