i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
