i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
