its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
