nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
