Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
