somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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