I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
