Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
