I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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