I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
