I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
