so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
