You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Its about making memories worth repressing
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
