I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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