I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
