Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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