why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
