I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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