i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
high people should be assigned attendants
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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