I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
