My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
