i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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