just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
