you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
