I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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