you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
