He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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