his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
