My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize