how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
