come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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