You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
