Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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