Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
