i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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