Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
