Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
