How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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