My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize