Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
