she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
