so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize