It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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