Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
