Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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