I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
