No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
