Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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