I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm like, not good at living.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
