i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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