Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
