Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
