her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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