DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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