Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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