There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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