Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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