Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
