we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
