Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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