Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
