one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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