I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he fucked my hip out of place.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
