Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
