haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She even gives head with a lisp.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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