I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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