He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
