What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
