The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
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