he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
