We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
