did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
