some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
