either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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