Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
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