Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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