How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
only you would photoshop your dick
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
