dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
