Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
