I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
