ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
