Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
