Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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