I'm lost and stupid without you.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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