I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize