Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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