and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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