Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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