we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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