They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm too high and old for this...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
