He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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