I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
