i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize