i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I will pee on everything he values.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
