Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Enjoy the penises
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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