So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He passed out mid-signature
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
