i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
