i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
