you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
