Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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