apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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