I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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