Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
